Meet The Brownie ...

Am disappointed big time I feel loser big time although i know that what happened is good for me inshaallah But i still feel like a big loser and so much stupid I can not help it, this is how i feel what drives me nuts that people see that i should not collapse they give me all the reasons not to as if i don't know them already But we need to breakdown when we should We need to cry when we want and feel to I need to get sad every once and a while I have my reasons to be sad, to get angry and to cry Yeah the optimistic me, the beaming with hope me, the always smiling me is broken and needs to cry I do not see hope anywhere Am not the toy you got, and promised if it was not smiling all the way to return it back Am a human after all and i am so disappointed at myself.

life am giving you all up Would you please give me up too Please?! I won't hope for anything anymore I learned my lesson Stupid people as i am don't deserve you Fine i got it leave me alone for God sake

Once more time i am so broken into pieces

Neisy had strated this amazing project, and i first saw it on Deppy's and i really like it and since i am in the mood to tell it, and i am not angry at anyone i love right now, here we go: Mom: what can i say about you?! you are the perfect mom i could ever have, although we quarrel a lot , but we quarrel and a moment later we talk and laugh like nothing happened, may be because we are both Geminis but you are my shelter. I do love you and i would not wish for a better mom, I love you so much..Rabana yekhliki lya. Dad: although i have not met you enough to know you, but i do remember how kind and generous you were, and since i visited your grave last July, i do remember you everyday, thanks a lot for your choice of mom to be your wife, you made an excellent choice, May you rest in Peace and heaven ya Rab ...Baba I love you so much. Karim, My brother: after you traveled, i discover that you were my ideal without me recognizing, i have a lot of you, i do love reading as ...

I have got myself into trouble recently I trusted people when i should not. I could not bring myself into apologizing and it is irritating me but still i can not do it. I let someone ruin up my day which was perfectly fine. Somehow i lost control upon my life but you know what, realizing that there is a problem is half the solution. Friend told something about me, i don't know whether i have changed without me realizing so or she just does not know me enough, i was shocked anyway because this was not me at all. May be it is me now but it was not me when i used to be me. so now i have to take a grip back upon my life For the apologizing, still i am not ready to give it, lets give it sometime. Finally, a quote from Grey's anatomy " sometimes you don't recognize that something has changed, you still you and your life still yours, then one day you wake up and you don't recognize anything at all...nothing at al l"

Is not it weird that we always have something, someone missing? When we are in love. we miss the person we love. When we get the job we dreamed about, we miss the leisure we had. We miss someone in the new year eve, feast morning, valentine even on our birthdays. We miss the keys chain when it is in our hands. We miss people, love, moments. We miss learning from our mistake. We miss planning before losing our way. We miss signs and then get hurt. We miss a lot of stuff and the more we think that we control our lives, the more we miss our lives. *sigh*

For the first time in 7 years, i have not waited for your message. For the first time, i don't get over excited upon getting it. I did not read it so many times till i memorise it. I did not search for the meaning behind it. Once i got it and knew it is yours, i deleted it without regretting. And finally, i moved on, my past. and it feels great =)

When you talk to someone and you believe that he is listening when suddenly he shocks you by his opinion, which is not anything related to what you were talking about. When people believe that your success depending on one single issue and as long as you do not achieve it, you are only a loser. When you feel satisfied about your life, but people are not . When you change what people did not like and then they blame you for that change. When the one who raised you, does not like the way you become. When someone thinks that every bad thing happens to you has only one reason. When people blame you for your choice although when you were choice less, they did not help. When the one you love the most, turns out that he lied about every word he said to you. When you give life up but it keeps hunting you down.

Being a Gemini, talking is the best thing i can do, i am professional talker but recently i start losing this talent. i don't open my msn or yahoo, i deactivate my Facebook page, i don't answer my phone and i don't mind if it turns off. the worst of all, when i sit with family, i have nothing to say, nothing whatsoever, i always had something to say but now not even a word. someone press my mute button i guess.

Sometimes silence is the only soultion when you have a lot to say but no matter what you say, it does not make any difference. Today i feel like that so i won't say a word.

You know me very well You know what i am going through You know what i pray for May be recently i have not prayed enough May be because i know that You know me and know what i want. May be it is an attmpt from me to forget whatever i once wished for. Trying to accept whatever comes to me. I tried hard before because i always believed that my efforts won't be wasted. but people have not been fair to me They hurt me. I complain them to You, because i know that You know me and them. You know that i tried so hard. You know my secrets and theirs. You know what is inside my heart and inside them. I know that i recently have not prayed enough but i know that You know that i need You so much. I believe in You and trust You so much but what if i fail the test. When i think about You, i feel like i am not ready to give up. Whenever You are beside me, i don't get worried. Sometimes i may say other than that, but You know me, i am so weak. so please forgive me

Since i have noticed recently that many people, including me, are suffering from depression, so i am going to write some words,which are not mine, that motivate me to get out of this mood, hoping it would help you too, so here we go: - Don't tell Allah how big your problem is, but tell your problem how great Allah is. -Thank Allah for what you have and trust Him in what You need. توكل على الرحمن فى الأمر كله ولا تعجزن يوما عن الطلب ألم ترى أن الله قال لمريم وهزى النخل يتساقط الرطب وأن شاء من غير هذه جنته ولكن لكل رزق سبب Noly suggested the following and i really like them, thanks alot Noly "You can't expect to prevent negative feelings altogether. And you can't expect to experience positive feelings all the time...The Law of Emotional Choice directs us to acknowledge our feelings but also to refuse to get stuck in the negative ones" "You can be greater than anything that can happen to you". ....to be continued p.s whoever has motivational though...

i watch them when: they love, they talk, they laugh, they deeply in love. she wanted a ring which he would not give, they fought, they would break up, he would break her heart, then they go apart. he misses her, he would go and talk to her, she would be alone, few words, he would complain the world to her and she would fight the world for him. she would realize how forgivable she became, she already forgot that he broke her heart, she would remember only that she loved him so much, and still. they will get back, he would promise that he won't let her go and would never break her heart, she would pray that he would keep up his promise. but he would not and they would fight and go apart.

For a prayer to be answered. For a dream to come true. For a baby to be delivered. For a brother to come home safe. till then el hamdolliah for everything i already have.

I still get excited every time i get my salary el hamdolliah. I don't accept criticism, may be because i criticize myself all time. today one of my co-worker criticized me, i was furious because it is not his business, then i realize that is what i was telling to myself lately and he is right but still it is not his business. The same co-worker told me once, when i suggest that we eat cake, you people, he means black people, love the cake, right?! i was like ha?! what is the relation btw being black and loving cake we kaman who does not love cake!!! A dedicated song bright my whole week :) I came across this pic while searching online and i love it...are not they very cute?

would Mr. prince charming get married to Fiona if he loves her and live happily ever after?! i mean the real prince charming not the short mean king in the movie, let's say prince charming is Brad Pitt...i am exaggerating but come on it is a fairytale.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who did not have much but she was grateful for what she had. she was not that smart but smart enough to know that with a little effort, everything is possible. During the time of her growing up, you can hardly notice her except for her good remarks. She was not a trouble maker and she never has. Everyone admired her. Everyone expected for her a bright future including herself. She had two dreams, two main dreams. one dream, deep inside her, she knew she can get it because she thought she had all it requires to get it. the other one,she left to the fate, because there is nothing she can do about. and one night,her life turned upside down to test all she once believed in. she fought at first so hard. every times she failed, she learned something and refused to give up. she told herself that one day everything will be just fine, nothing lasts forever. But recently, she gave it all up, she can not fight anymore. she abandoned the world and the world aband...

It is hard When you love someone and he does not love u back. When someone loves you and you can not love him back. When you love someone and he loves you back but it does not work out. When you miss the one you love. When you see the one you used to love, in love. When the one you love broke your heart. To fall in or out of love. So why do want to fall in love?!!

If i would start shooting people i am angry at, i would start by shooting myself.